30-Day Challenge: Insecurities

12. Insecurities. They’re a thing. Share at least one of yours and way you’ve managed to deal with it.

You guys don’t know me. Hell, I don’t even know me most of the time. But I have a very… particular personality. I hide my insecurities behind humor, self-deprication, and a false ego to an obnoxious degree. I’m kind of a bitch, to be honest.

And I’m not going to use this post to defend myself for having those moments, nor am I going to use it to justify my personality flaws. But I will use this post to explain who I am and how I cope with things.

Image

This is one of the most recent photos of me. It’s from Christmas morning, I was snapchatting friends, and my stepmother caught it on camera.

This is not an attractive photo of me.

I’ve always been big and I’m sure you all know that kids are cruel. I spent most of my formative years being picked on and basically hating myself..

They don’t tell you everything in all of those anti-bullying commercials and seminars and everything else they make kids sit through that never actually work. Trust me, I’ve sat through an hour long ‘bullying is wrong’ lecture with my 4th grade class only to be called ‘beached whale’ and ‘fatso’ as soon as we go out for recess.

What they leave out though is what you’re supposed to do when it’s not your classmates who are treating you like crap for your body at the ripe old age of 7. They don’t tell you how to deal when it’s the people who are supposed to love you, unconditionally. They don’t tell you how to deal with how much your own parent can’t stand to look at you.

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